Stay. Dont leave

I watch
I wither
I lose Hope
I look flawless

I am light
Like a feather in the wind
I am far away
Embedded in thoughts
The thoughts of a crying heart
Bleading tears
Beaming with claws of a broken heart.

I dream
Of that life
That fantasy
That forever stays within
That forever glows like a twilight
I look at the skies
The stars talk
A language I understand
A language of the shooting star
I make my wish.

Its the full moon
I make the same wish
Its my birthday
I make the same wish
Its a new year
I make the same wish.

Please stay with me
I say
Don't let me go
I hope.


Disclaimer:
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Finding God

Waking up on sunday, we all think about church (Atleast for those who think about it). On this particular sunday it rained heavily but it didnt affect any of the plans that I had. Normally I attend 3pm service somewhere near State House. But this sunday was different. There was something that wanted me to go and pray. Well on the cold afternoon I desended onto the doors that are always open.

Smiling faces were all around, people talking to each other and my body went cold.
"I this my kind of audiance," I said to myself.
I still held on knowing we would soon be engaged with the conversation with christ.
Praise and worship now came up. Thank God for the projectors, I was able to read the words of the song.
You know the feeling that the church is that refuge, that place where one is freed? This I never felt. There was tension. I was scared of the people who would watch me and whisper to themselves.
"He does not even know the song." They'd say this while gigling.
This has happened to me before and that was the end of the service.

Back to that sunday. So the time for engaging with God through worship. When Eizzy talked about being born again she had reasons. Well some of the worship songs played were really engaging. The words touched my self. I listened and I felt something different. Something like a voice. This is what it told me.
"Change your ways son, change your ways." Thats all I heard.

The worship was soon over, we prayed and then waited for sermon.
The preacher was attacking me. It was like all he said was about me. It may sound so cliche' but I felt this guy really knew me. Not that am that terrible but he brought to light some questions i'd want to as God.

So now the alter call.
There was silence, this silence was totally in my mind. People around me were singing but I could hardly listen amd hear. My legs trembled, I felt my neghbour was watching me. Fact is I didn't care. I wanted answers.

"Give me confidence God, please." The confidence didnt come. I waited and it failed to apear.
When Nevender posted something about cell, I was reminded of the events of the day. Who will help me grow spiritualy? Which fellowship will I attend?
A tough decision it still remained. At times the people around you need to help you grow spiritualy but are they ready to welcome that new person in their family.

Unbelievable that the people I met, no-one asked me whether I was an engaging christian. I just taleked and smiled, no-one noticed I wasn't happy. There was no encouragement for this soul to make up his mind. The soul slowly glided away seeking for answers, the answers that can be provided by an empty church. I went back sat down and told God.

"Don't let me go, I need answers"


Listening to:
Don't let me Go - The Fray
Lithium - evanescence

After campus Memoirs Vol.1

Who wouldnt want to brush off some dust after 3 long years of hard earned education? Well after my finals on a wednesday, I partied from that night, thursday and friday.

Wednesday:
After making noise, giving goodbye hugs, (unfortunately I never got any peck. It was so annoying) and getting shirts signed(celebrity status) I decided to go out and treat myself to a very expensive meal. I disapeared into this cozy restuarant and treated myself to some oink oink. While I watched athletics. Then I thought what about the blue Label. So I drank two tastefully different blue labels. I went back to my hostel at around 1am and guess what I found. A house party. Alcholism I said to myself. I realised there was no soda and people getting rub-a-dubbed. I took cover in my sheets. I wasnt ready for the unexpected.

Thursday:
It wasnt a brutal hangover but I woke up a great man. Feeling releaved and happy. The morning wasnt fun. You know HTML (you must have seen it somewhere if you are a blogger). Well I tried posting on my blog and I kept on getting errors. It was so annoying and pathetic. Now the night. Which is always cold and chilly. For three years we had a discussion group that was wonderful. 5 boys and 6 girls. It was a cute group.

Back-space

I had fallen for one of the girls in our group in my first year. I got a no from her but we stayed friends.

tab

So we dicided we needed a small party. We had chocolate cake (not the hotloaf one with too much blueband. Just give me a call if you want the best cake), ice cream, mob soda and food. Later in the night we headed to Steak out for my favourite nights. Rock night. (effendy's rock in the park was my best). The great thing about this night was these girls had never been out at night so what I climax. Apperently I was let down by steakout rock that night. Pathetic. Too much rnb and hiphop.
The whole place was packed. MUK people especially the freshers. The girls got bored so they went to blue haze....(former cheese bar) and well there was local music and a handful of people. Their playlist was:

Alina Potential
Ayokya ayokya
Mr dj
kawonawo.

Well I had too keep close to the girls. Didnt want anyone messing around with them. Ohh then something happened. One of those sleek moments happened to me. I was standing outside, sending a text. And then this girl aproached me.

Girl: Hi....
Me: Hullo (As I sipped my blue label in a glass)
Girl: I think we've met somewhere.
Me: Sure? I dont think so. Normally my memory is that good.
Girl: I think you were at Kigezi H/s
Me; Yes
Girl: And you are McKeith
Me: Ofcourse. (A cold chill in my body)
Girl: I was in s.1 while you were in s.3. I do not think you would remember me.
(she then introduced herself)
Me: Wow pleased to meet you. How could you remember me?
Girl: Well you are still that sweet young baby you have always been.
booom she had dropped it. I felt terrible.
Me: Thats why am the most handsome guy around.

I hestitated like emi to get the phone number. I knew the next time I go for rock night i'll see her. She was cute though.

Then I also met this guy who stole my first girlfriend. He smiled at me. Well I did talk to him. He bought me a blue label, its something like 3k. Well two hours later I bought an energy drink for him. Its around 5k.

At around 6am we left. A night with less rock. I was annoyed. (I'll try the next thursday)

So what!!!!!

19th August 2009 17:01:00

“Pens down,” the lecturer says

I put mine down recalling the last word I wrote in the exam.

“Life” was the last word. I slowly crawl off the chair with my script. I hand in. I ran outside the room, hands held high, looking to the skies.

“It is finished,” I say.

Re-wind

It’s now only a few days and the life of a man at university will come to an end for the time being. Three years ago a young man joined the elite at university. His choice was he wanted to do a journalism degree at Uganda’s most prestigious university, Makerere. He was only offered IT on government. Boldly he said no (because he realised IT was not what he wanted to do. Not his calling) and left for Uganda Christian University where he did mass communication. The time had come and he had to start staying in his own room and meet new people. For three years he did this and lived the University dream. For three years he survived. He got all from his father and he never wanted to let the family down.

He fell in love and fell out of it. He was rejected twice. He still lived and never let this get too hard on him. He met new people, influenced and become special to some. He would get broke, feed on buns, chapatti and even go hungry at times. Still lived on and never gave up. He went out, danced and drunk water, soda, Vodka and beer. Still he read his books, remembering the words of his father.

“My son you are going to school and I do not want failures. I have paid everything, now go make me proud. You have a name and reputation to protect.”

These always echoed in his ears and they always stuck around and kept him reading hard, harder and harder but with some little fun.

At times he would look depressed and life would knock him down. He did not die but he lived on and on. He got “kyeyo” during his holidays. He was exploited and at times paid but he atleast kept a smile on his handsome face. However the scaring part is yet to come. The future!!!!

The pressure is on from all around. He must find a job. He won’t be receiving any pocket money from his parents; he will have to pay his own rent and then will have to get married. The latter being the least of his ambitions right now. He believes things will turn out great but he is scared how. He hopes he doesn’t become a politician and then join the queue to lead the country, he would not join the army even if he is desperately looking for a job, he would not become a call boy to offer late night services because he is broke and he will not accept to be offered a job because he is the son of you know who. He will patiently find his way and get in because of merit unless otherwise. He patiently holds on to the hope of nation building without joining politics. And the hope that lives on in him will see him through.

Flashback (The year 2000)

9 years after secondary school, my O-level school has finally bought a school bus... At 200m with personalised number plates. I contributed 20,000/= every term from S1-S4. The bus could have been bought even before I left. We had some corrupt H/M at one time. Guess what? I was part of the revolution that tried to have him prosecuted. Well proudly I was part of a bloodless strike, requesting for social justice. It became highly unsuccessful; I got expelled and would be escorted by police daily to do my final O-level exams. I was short but the H/M accused me of being influential (I normally did the talking). There is a time we carried a petition against him to the RDC and Education Officer. I was the one who did the talking. Atleast I knew I was part of something beautiful. My relatives were not proud of me at the moment. Why? Because I got expelled and they all thought I would intoxicate their children with evil thoughts. But only I knew the reason. I was imprisoned for the fight for freedom and social justice. I never received a medal but atleast am proud I of the milestone.

Well early 2007 he was imprisoned for embezzling school funds. I was so happy. Finally what we had fought for had come to pass. Remember the Martin Luther speech “I have a dream”. Well my dream for him to be prosecuted came to pass. But my disappointment is he never paid back what he embezzled. Atleast the school has a better H/M.

Quote:

“Beware of the fury of a patient man” – John Dryden

Threads that divide us(couldn’t find a better title)

We love who we are. Selfishly we believe in ourselves. When we wake up in the morning we tell our neighbour “good morning.” Or we move on, look at them like they do not exist. We smile at every accomplishment, but we become sad at a friendly gesture or achievement. We are a diverse country, we hardly accept the way other peoples’ ways. We despise them. When we try our best to like them we are stopped by the boundaries of pride and superstition that are built around us. We build hatred on issues that are pursued by our selfish politicians and the family intrigues that tend to exist.

We fall in love. But because we fell in love in someone not like us, we are hated and forced to bow away from that who we love. The reasons are naive, based on the generalisations that we have built around us. Our relatives pile pressure on us to find those we share beliefs. Our families claim they are Born Again. Around the church they praise God and shudder for the great things God has done for us. We ask ourselves, why claim the love of God and yet hate the person next to us. Reason: they do not look like us. Why have we become like this.

We sit down earphones plucked into our ears and think. Think about the reason why we may be different from each other, our perception of the world being different from our original background. We watch our politicians draw tribal lines in everything. Helplessly we watch tribalism take centre stage. We dream of a world that although our cultures and beliefs may conflict, we live in harmony and allowed fall in love freely. When we try this, we are considered enemies. We are banished, hurled insults and called traitors of our own people. We fail to believe this. But our own blood will try all they do to make us break relationships with those that are different from ourselves. They impose that which we do not consider fair. We rebel and silently we are left to look hopeless and shameless.

When we try to change our environment, we are called thieves. Not by those who have sold us the land, but by the politicians who desire to separate us from our brothers. We desire to build our lives in a different area but we are met with rejection from a perception of generalisation. We look around us. We love our country as a name. But when it comes to people in the country the love goes away. We love only ourselves.
However some have rejected the tribal and religious lines that divide us. Smiles they have offered, love they give, kindness they pass on and forever they love those that stay around them.

Quote
“We set forth these parables to men that they may reflect.”( Koran 59:21)

New Divide by Linkin Park chorus
So give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason to fill this hole, connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies across this new divide

Politics!!!!!(Patriotic rants vol.2)

Recently I had a chat with some of my colleagues. We looked at some of the global issues. War in Iraq, Iran and international politics in general, but the conversation did not look as passionate until it came down to Uganda.

Gifted by nature
The irony in this is that the advert no longer runs on CNN. Well reason could be the lack of funds to run such a campaign on the international news channel. Well the one reason that can correspond with this ad campaign is that we are probably no-longer gifted by nature. If people can die of famine then how are we supposed to say we are gifted by nature? Politicians are some of the most predictable people on earth. They wait for a crisis and then they respond. But before a crisis they are able to predict there is going to be one. They watch events happen and ran to make all sorts of promises to the dying humans. 34 dead because of hunger!! How? In this country? Something somewhere must have gone terribly wrong.

SUV’s and Luxury
Giving credit where it is deserved is one thing appreciated. BUT, this has gone overboard. Imagine people are dying of hunger and we are purchasing SUV’s of 200m each. One SUV can the region. We proudly watch our appetite for luxuries rise and rise. We forget our brothers and proud members of this country. Where is patriotism? In words? Or its an encryption that means something else? Who has the answer? We watch all these happen. And we only leave things in the hand of Allah and God. Yes some may say its deserved of ministers to have posh cars. But not at the expense of that who is starving. North Korea will starve its people in the name of nuclear weapons. So are we starving our own in the name of SUV’s? Have we normalised death? Atleast Allah (GOD) has given us a conscience.

Negative News
I was surprised when presidents around the SMART partnership in Kampala said that journalists were reporting negatively about Africa. Politicians never seize to amuse. Botswana is one country where AIDS is at its highest. What the other negative thing about Botswana? Nothing? So if politicians put effort to improve conditions in the country. Would they get bad press? No.
Yes we blame the western media for its bias but maybe because politicians have not played their role. The only thing that would attract foreigners to Africa is to look at mother natures’ gift. When Obama called for good governance in Africa we jumped but do you think it sunk deep in our leaders. NO. Corruption has gone overboard that it looks so normal in Africa. Why do you think Obama would prefer visiting Ghana of all countries in Africa? Why not go to Zimbabwe or CAR? Well could be because of reputation, reputation, reputation. Is the media a reflection of the society and government? Who knows?
At the end of the chat with my colleagues we realised that we are not heroes, we may not force change but atleast we would each show we participated in a cause. Mine has been done. I decided to blog about it. How much do we love this country?
My finals begin in a week and then I become officially unemployed. The worst could be yet to come.

Reading:
The Greek Key by Collin Forbes