Aug 28, 2009

Finding God

Waking up on sunday, we all think about church (Atleast for those who think about it). On this particular sunday it rained heavily but it didnt affect any of the plans that I had. Normally I attend 3pm service somewhere near State House. But this sunday was different. There was something that wanted me to go and pray. Well on the cold afternoon I desended onto the doors that are always open.

Smiling faces were all around, people talking to each other and my body went cold.
"I this my kind of audiance," I said to myself.
I still held on knowing we would soon be engaged with the conversation with christ.
Praise and worship now came up. Thank God for the projectors, I was able to read the words of the song.
You know the feeling that the church is that refuge, that place where one is freed? This I never felt. There was tension. I was scared of the people who would watch me and whisper to themselves.
"He does not even know the song." They'd say this while gigling.
This has happened to me before and that was the end of the service.

Back to that sunday. So the time for engaging with God through worship. When Eizzy talked about being born again she had reasons. Well some of the worship songs played were really engaging. The words touched my self. I listened and I felt something different. Something like a voice. This is what it told me.
"Change your ways son, change your ways." Thats all I heard.

The worship was soon over, we prayed and then waited for sermon.
The preacher was attacking me. It was like all he said was about me. It may sound so cliche' but I felt this guy really knew me. Not that am that terrible but he brought to light some questions i'd want to as God.

So now the alter call.
There was silence, this silence was totally in my mind. People around me were singing but I could hardly listen amd hear. My legs trembled, I felt my neghbour was watching me. Fact is I didn't care. I wanted answers.

"Give me confidence God, please." The confidence didnt come. I waited and it failed to apear.
When Nevender posted something about cell, I was reminded of the events of the day. Who will help me grow spiritualy? Which fellowship will I attend?
A tough decision it still remained. At times the people around you need to help you grow spiritualy but are they ready to welcome that new person in their family.

Unbelievable that the people I met, no-one asked me whether I was an engaging christian. I just taleked and smiled, no-one noticed I wasn't happy. There was no encouragement for this soul to make up his mind. The soul slowly glided away seeking for answers, the answers that can be provided by an empty church. I went back sat down and told God.

"Don't let me go, I need answers"

Listening to:
Don't let me Go - The Fray
Lithium - evanescence


  1. First off: I'm ready to welcome you...
    So what answers do you need: I'd be happy to help you answer some if i can.
    Here's my email:
    Secondly: Do i have these?

  2. this is very beautiful, at the hilt of it, sad...
    and like TRP i can help you with answers

  3. i'm not an engaging christian but i'm trying to be, thanks to my bible and a few people always pushing me to be better than i am. do you want me to share my people and if you don't mind someone still relearning her way with God,

  4. @therisingpage You sure about welcoming me? I'll contact you.
    Didnt click that last bit.

    @lulu.. I hope I can get some answers

    @Yz Atleast people around you try to. My problem is that when you get in there is the assumption that you have been part of them. This limits my relationship with God.
    Am having problems with my live ID. Mob stress